home alone

For as long as Pete and I have been together (almost 11 years!) and lived together (almost 10 years!) the number of times that I’ve slept alone in our bed could probably be counted on two hands. Of course I’m not counting the times that I’ve gone to sleep alone in our bed, but woken up next to him in the morning wondering what ungodly hour brought him back home (let’s be serious, I’ve done it as much as he has). What I mean is, the occasion has been remarkably rare on which Pete has gone out of town without me, and it goes the other way as well. Our almost 11 years have seen many a trip to visit family, I’d say 99% of which we’ve done together, and not so many a trip otherwise. Blame it on what I like to call the “poor years” otherwise known as your twenties. But even when we have gone on other trips they mostly always involved both of us, with a few infrequent exceptions for getaways with the girls on my part and camping/hiking/kayaking adventures on Pete’s.

Which brings me to tonight, one such infrequent occasion. Technically I’m not home alone. After all, my darling baby girl (who is SO not a baby anymore) is here with me as are my two out of control weims, so perhaps the post title is a bit off, but what I mean by it is that I’m the only grown-up here and I most certainly will not be waking up to Pete tomorrow. This morning, Pete and his buddy headed southwest toward Asheville, NC for a two night hiking/camping trip in the Appalachian Mountains. With our impending addition to the family, Pete, who truly loves the great outdoors, wanted to log one more adventure with his recently acquired and impressively lighter gear (he might have a slight obsession). He originally planned to go a couple weeks from now, but after some consideration we agreed that was getting a mite bit close to baby day and missing the birth of your child because you were taking a walk in the woods is pretty high up on the unacceptable bar. All of which is to say, he’s not here and won’t be until Wednesday evening. Boo hiss, major sad face, blech.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m very excited that he’s getting to do this. It makes him super happy and that makes me happy. But I don’t like sleeping alone and I don’t like him not being here. I’m not the kind of person that needs a lot of me-time or personal space. That’s not to say that I’d want to spend 24 hours of every day with Pete. Everyone needs to have their own time and interests and activities, and absence most certainly does up the fondness ante of the ‘ol heart. But I know that some folks simply function better when they have more time to themselves and might even look forward to their partner being away for a couple nights. That’s just not me. Especially now that we have a kid (soon to be kids, omg, 6 weeks). Bedtime routine is precious family time that me and Pete both look forward to and absolutely hate to miss. Of course we do and will miss it every now and then because date nights and social gatherings and getaways are healthy and important, and we love doing all of those things, but it definitely pains the heart a bit every time we’re not here to put Norah to bed. And even if once she’s asleep the rest of our night consists of me reading and Pete browsing REI’s website, both in our own little worlds not speaking more than a word or two, simply having him next to me is cozy and comforting, and it makes me feel good.

All of that said, to look on the bright side, I did get to spend the whole day with my mom and Norah. We cleaned my house (yes, that’s a bright side for me), went for a walk, played and went out for Mexican food. Norah and I talked to Pete earlier just before he got on the trail and if he gets a signal anywhere along the way tomorrow he’ll try to call us again. If not, we’ll see him Wednesday evening, which is only two days away, and have lots of amazing mommy-daughter time between now and then. I’m sure Pete’s having a kickass time (hopefully a safe, kickass time) and I know he misses us as much as we do him. So with that, I’ll bid you goodnight and go to sleep. All by myself. Waaaaaaaaaaa.

Elderland out. XO.

PS I totally still sleep on my side of the bed when he’s not here, which I for some reason felt compelled to share because I feel like I should be sprawling out or sleeping in the middle and that perhaps I’m weird for not doing so. So there’s that.

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