want not, fret not

Lately I’ve been experiencing an unseemly amount of material misery, meaning that my superfluous want of so many tangible things is leading to bouts of rather unpleasant anxiety. But then again, when is anxiety ever pleasant? Maybe when you’re anxious about starting a new job or going on a trip or taking a pregnancy test (bam!), then it’s more of a nervous excitement, which is a type of anxiety, and those instances I feel fall on the pleasant end of the spectrum. This anxiety that has plagued me of late is definitely not fun. It’s feelings of dissatisfaction with what I already own and insatiable yearning for new stuff, all made worse by being continuously overwhelmed by the number of wonderful things that are shoved in my face on a daily basis via the evil that is the interweb. Shoved in my face by me of course, because it is I that chooses to look at all these stuff flaunting blogs and websites. I’ve always been a coveter, but generally able to keep the beast at bay by avoiding any avenues of allurement. Enter Google Reader. This is quite the nifty little tool that many a web junkie have been using for internet eons (at least 3 years), but I only discovered and devoured in the last couple months. Damn you Google! You’ve dragged me into a world of bloggers that serve no purpose other than that of making me drool over the most amazing material possessions that I damn sure don’t need and definitely can’t afford.  Shoes, clothes, furniture, jewelry, books, housewares, art, fucking stationary?! When the hell did I ever give two craps about stationary? When I saw some perfectly pressed paper on a pretty little post by one of the bloggers I follow of course. Blasted.

Then today I stumbled upon the blog Simple Lovely and this post: Let the Non-Spending Officially Commence (even just the name of that blog speaks so much to what I am trying to achieve). Well, at first I was all in because as I demonstrated with my dailies game I’m a compulsive joiner – whenever I see others doing something that looks super fun and at some point get encouraged to do the same myself I find it utterly impossible to resist. I want to be a part of EVERYTHING which might explain my way too hectic schedule filled with things like book club, woman’s club, running club and at one point even wine club (the appeal of that should be fairly obvious). But as I’ve also aptly demonstrated with the dailies game, I go overboard, get overwhelmed and soon after I find myself overdone, stick a fork in me, it’s quittin’ time. So I quickly checked myself before I wrecked myself and did not agree to take on this non-spending challenge. However, I was very inspired to finally do something about my material misery and today I took the first step. I went through Google Reader and axed anything that provided no value or substance other than to showcase stuff and more stuff. It was sad to say goodbye to so many lovely blogs, but it’s for the best and will do wonders for my mental health. No one needs to look at 30 posts a day about espadrilles…lovely, comfy, summery, colorful espadrilles. SMACK! Enough of that. Oh, and you too Etsy! You’re not off the hook. You’re also evil. But at least you boast better buys in that they’re either handmade or vintage. That makes me feel somewhat better about my stuff lust. I won’t axe you. I just need a little space. I also held onto most baby related blogs for I feel I should be allowed at least a smidgen of excitement over the possibility of new things and better to allot that to my little girl than myself. Let the selflessness of parenthood begin.

So, that’s where I’m at. Doing my best to steer clear of the temptations. Taking all that time previously spent wanting and putting it to better use on stuff like work! Whoa. And perhaps reading more educational and/or entertaining blogs that actually provide value and serve a purpose. Laughing and learning are grand and so much more worthy of my time. Reading about the lives of others is also fascinating, even if I will never meet most of the people, it’s just truly captivating to see how others live and note the handful of similarities and wealth of differences. I hope to soon discover a detour into the land of more diverse blogs for as of earlier today so many of my daily reads were of similar substance. And just reading more physical material is a goal. Books! Magazines! Oh how I miss the New Yorker. I used to be the lucky recipient of my boss’s hand me down New Yorkers when he was a subscriber, but sadly he quit. The magazine. Not being my boss. Phpthpphpt. That would be weird.

Goal: Want less. Keep it simple. Appreciate what I have. Use my time and energy on more fulfilling activities. And just be happy and love my life.

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